I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
