Jerry, you need to find god
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
