So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
