Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
