i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
