When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
