The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
