I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
