Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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