sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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