This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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