Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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