GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
how drunk are you?
Several
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
