Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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