I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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