i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
