I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
