Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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