I only kidnapped one of them. chill
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The uberlube is also flammable
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
