I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize