and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
