The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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