We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize