i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
