Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
