you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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