meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
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