i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
