i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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