in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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