Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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