before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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