Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize