If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
