actually, I'm a sock model
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
