idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize