I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
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