I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
