roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Two words: nipple clamps
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