He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
