i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
