You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
