glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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