I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
