Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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