I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
