Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
