It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
