dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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