respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
did you just send me my own nude
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
