Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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