Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Sext me about skeletons
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
