i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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