Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Sorry my hands just texted you
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize