If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
