When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
