duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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