Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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