Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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