It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
why do cheetos always look like penises
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
