i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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