Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
