i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
