Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
