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All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
