Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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