I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
