He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Every concussion has its silver lining
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
