left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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