she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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