guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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