i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
