she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
