rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
