you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
