the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
