There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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