I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
