Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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