I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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