My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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