Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
People in love make me want to vomit
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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