Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize