Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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