I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
