Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
