um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
