Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Non-Jews are for practice
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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