Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
