Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Actions speak louder than pants.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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