if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
