shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
