Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
