I'd wear matching sweaters with you
She announced her abortion via fbk
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
