goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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