he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
