oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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